"Should is dead"
gently releasing should
Yesterday, we reflected on gently releasing consistency as our yardstick.
And that sounds great, but something that comes up a lot, at least for me, is “should.”
I should be doing this…
I know I should…
I really should…
(“I have to” and “I really need to…” fall right into this same bucket.)
Early on in my business, I had an intuitive and wise mentor who told me:
“Should is dead.”
I was stunned.
Now I get it, we all have a lot of “shoulds” in our lives, so that statement can seem a little scary.
But hear me out.
If you are like most people, and like myself, you probably think “I should” 1000 times a day. Our culture teaches us to do that.
And so, “should is dead” sounds a little scary.
After all, who would we become without the rails of convention, requirement, responsibility, and good sense?
I personally worried that I would become too selfish as I let go of “should.”
(Perhaps you have similar ideas popping into your mind as you read this.)
But I assure you that as spiritual, ethical, and heart-centered people in the world, when we can release “should” it actually isn’t as scary as we might think.
After all, we have divine guidance and the shining power of the heart as our guide.
We will not become too selfish.
We won’t go off the rails.
We won’t become unethical or misguided.
But I can tell you, as I began to release the chokehold of “should,”
something remarkable happened.
I began to release “should” and instead I ask myself:
What do I really need right now?
What would be most nourishing to me, right in this moment?
That swap helped me to:
Quiet the constant self-criticism
Slow down the pace of self-judgement
Release negative self-talk that is just mentally exhausting
It frees up brain space in a way that allows new possibilities to occur.
I stopped beating myself up for not doing “enough,” particularly during dark times in my life.
And instead, in the quiet, I was able to meet myself right where I was.
I invite you to try it:
What “should” shows up a lot for you? And how might you gently reframe it through the questions: What do I really need right now? And what would be most nourishing to me, right in this moment?
For example, if you say: “Arg, I should exercise” you might instead say, “Would movement nourish me today? If so, what type of movement is my body asking for?” (Perhaps the answer is as simple as a 5 minute walk, raking a few leaves, or stretching your fingers far above your head for a moment.)
Or if you say: “I should eat healthier!” Ask yourself: What foods would be most nourishing to me to today?
Drop yours below or hit reply to this email. I’d love to hear and to cheer you on!
(And if you are “stuck” on how to reframe your “should,” simply drop yours below and perhaps the community and I can provide some suggestions! This is gentle work, and work we can do together.)
Love,
Rhonda Linn
